Won’t.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will not take pictures of every sandwich it eats.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will neither friend nor un-friend you.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will not spread its legs for the camera.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will not put on embroidered underwear and walk the streets all night.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will not force you to kill and eat most of the edible mammals in the zoo.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will not eliminate odors with its fresh scent.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will not enhance your stamina where it counts.
THE JACKLEG SOAPBOX will not prosecute you for unlawful use of this container, or any container, open or otherwise.
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